she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dignity is for republicans.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
