Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You have to summon your inner elephant
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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