They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
