Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
