Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
