she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
