the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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