Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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