Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
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You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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