So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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