We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
