I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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