When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
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