There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
