Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
