I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
