i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
