I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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