I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
