I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
