He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
