I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
