I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
