I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
