Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
