k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
