1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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