You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
