I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
