what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
