Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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