there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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