Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
