Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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