I wish my penis had an off switch
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
