these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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