Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We have started to decorate penises.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
