And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
