too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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