He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
