You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
