that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
