after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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