if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It's Friday. Sex?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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