Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
