maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
