I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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