Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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