Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
