I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
