I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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