So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
