You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think your dad took our porno
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
