im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
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Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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