And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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