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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
