He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
