I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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